Writing through your grief
Grief, when it hits us, it can be all encompassing and overpowering. We are overwhelmed with the power of the emotions, the feelings, the devastation and the loss…and there is no way anyone can know or pretend to know how we feel. The feelings run deep and we do not always know how to handle them, but we do know we need to…somehow we need to find it in our selves to get up, get dressed, and put one foot in front of the other. And, it is not easy…as a writer, I have found that writing through my grief allowed me to reach a sense of peace, a sense of inner tranquility that was robbed from me the day my mom passed away and I was left as a motherless daughter. I was seeking out serenity and that is when I discovered the real power of journaling. For the first year, journaling was my connection to my mom and I needed that. I felt a connection that was so powerful, it allowed me to grieve and heal and be in the moment every day.
At this time in my life, I needed a journaling ritual…I would put on my mom’s favorite CD , light one of the many candles she had in her house, and write a letter to her everyday. In my letter, I recounted that dreaded phone call and discovering that she had passed away, I recounted how much I missed her presence in my life, and I told her all the things I wanted to tell her…and had or did not have a chance to…and I told her about my days…what I was doing, how her grandkids were doing, how much we all missed us and how she had affected all of our lives.
The experience was not easy. At times I would cry rivers and not be able to write, at other times, I would be so angry…I just had to get my anger out…at other times, I would feel a profound sadness at my loss…the emotions were real, they were deep, and they were hard, but I kept at it, because no matter what I wrote, afterwards, I always felt a sense of piece and the knot in the pit of my stomach would dissolve a little bit more…you know the one, where you wake up everyday and it hits you, “Something is not right in my world”…and then it hits you again, I am a motherless daughter…and then you feel it in the pit of your stomach…as you try to start your day..and pretend that everything is normal…even though it is not.
To me a grief journal is the most powerful journal we can write…it keeps us focused, it keeps us centered and it allows us to connect with a loved one in a way that is deep, profound, and leaves nothing unsaid.
My mom is now my constant companion. I no longer write everyday to her, but I think of her daily and miss her dearly…